考试+愧疚+疲倦+压力

19 天。。。恐怖的倒数。。。害怕去倒数因为感觉到慢慢地接近考试。。。今天上某节课时，老师说。。。“now dont sleep also nevermind,u can sleep forever u want..wat u need nw is study hard,get into university,get high salary job!!!"我本人觉得很恐怖。。。因为那个也许就是我很在意的东西。。。老师给的压力多过家人给的。。但想想要不是老师一再地提醒，也许就没有那种紧张的感觉，一紧张就。。。现在睡觉，我也感到愧疚。。。虽然很累。。。可是多睡几下，就很愧疚。。。看电视一个钟头也很愧疚。。。可是我只能说我不是机器人，也不是天才，还是会感到压力。。。上网十五分钟也许就能轻松一下。。。多过那个时间就不行了。。。真的很累。。书很想学不完那样。。。压力难以抵抗。。。最近天气又发疯了。。。热的半命。。。没钱还冷气费。。。没巴士去图书馆。。。现在希望老天爷见谅点。。。不要那么热！我很怕热！也很容易热！！
现在我能做的，就是学书，学书。。。我还能做什么！！！！！就像我朋友说的从进中六开始就要知道努力！那就是我没有放弃的原因！！可是说要努力。。。不放弃不是我单独说了就算。。烦恼还是会来。。。还是会觉得累。。还是会学书学到头疼！还是会睡不着。。。有时我真的不能控制！可是我还是要克制！
明天不去学校了。。。加明天，我只有翘课两天。。。比起有些整个礼拜没来。。。希望学校不要那么计较。。我又不是去做坏事！！！！
Ar!!!烦！矛盾！愧疚！我对自己要求很高。。。我从以前就那样不是吗!要我放松我就是放不了！要我忘记不开心的事。。就是难！要我不和朋友说话，也是难。。。要我大方逃课！我也不敢！！
无论如何这就是我！就是人生！我就不相信我办不到！！！！

Trial result doesnt mean STPM result!!!hng!!!!!!!!!!

Having bad mood nw....not dat bad...jz bit sad n frustrated...coz i got back my report card today...sob..again i look at last trial result...reli.....i can say dat the last trial result is the most lousy perfomance in my form six life...i said lousy doesnt determined by the marks alone...lousy for this time becoz i can do much more better than dat...n dat is the grave for careless!!!!!!n dat shudnt be the result for a candidate dat will sit for stpm soon!!!!hurt...but anyway,trial exam doesnt mean result for stpm...it jz a exam to test how much u knw n ur mistakes n weakness...so i shudnt be frustrated becoz of dat lousy result for last trial..m i correct...i guess so...

Some teacher might said nw the marks u got is jz similar to ur marks when stpm later...actually i not quite agree wif dat...becoz i believe there is changes n improvement...unless u give up urself...like my second trial math exam for tuition...i reli increase 10 mrks for paper 1 compared to first trial evendo some ppl said dat 2nd trial bit difficult than trial 1....actually i didnt get satisfied result 4 trial 1 becoz plenty of mistakes even matrices!but when come to trial 2,i decrease my careless...n reli...i got higher marks...so i edi proved to teacher dat 10 marks can be increased....

yesterday jz sat for my muet speaking....walaueh..how come more nervous compared to mid year...evendo i edi get band 4 n teacher said dat band 4 is enuf to apply u..mayb i m candidate A..mayb my other candidates r my frens???mayb the bilik too silent????still remember when the time i wan to start task A....my heart beat increase till i can felt my heart omos come out!!!!task b..omg...did some mistakes dat shudnt be happened!!!shame...think of my marks bai bai got deducted for dat mistakes....i m not gonna said it out coz it reli..duno hw to explain...jz shame n lame...jz my other 2 partner n examiner knew dat...hehe...anyway,i still got another 3 paper...who knw those marks can help me got band 5....

felt much more better after write these "unhappy"things out...coz i reli duno who to tell...blog...sorry la...

Life for this month will be tough for everyone of us....hope we all have enuf strength to face it...i still got chance to change my cgpa...n i never 4got my dream,my ambition,i believe i have dat petential n ability,jz i cant lose to myself and stress....

对了，昨天在电视看到周杰伦新歌“给我一首歌的时间”的MV。。。真的太酷了。。。因为周杰伦穿的衣服，帽子，加上他的舞蹈是我很喜欢的哪种舞蹈。。。不知加什么名。。。就是那种。。。而且我超喜欢那首歌。。。有点Rnb...然后有点。。。不知怎样形容。。。就是我喜欢的feel。。。而且超酷！！！！！觉得周杰伦很厉害。。他的歌都很棒。。连写给S.H.E. de 安静了都是那么棒！！当然王力宏也不错。。以前不怎么欣赏他的音乐，知道遇到他的粉丝，就是我的朋友的影响下。。。开始觉得他也很不错。。。

bye....

没药医的病。。。

我得了没药医的病。。。考试忧郁症？？？担心，担忧，痛苦，无奈，彷徨。。。实在有太多的东西要记。。要背。。而且不会忘记。。。不会混乱。。。根本没有药医。。。虽然我爸是中医。。。有时连睡觉也在背formula...而且很像有人告诉你。。别睡了！！！快起来学书。。。有时想不要去学校。。。因为晚上可以学迟点。。比较静。。。不会热。。可是学校不允许。。。还我的早睡。。。别人可能在k书。。。我已会周公了。。。

明天要考muet....有点紧张。。。因为上次考过。。。所以比起上次没有那么紧张。。可是面对的是朋友。。所以很紧张。。。上次和陌生人的反而较轻松。。。反正他们不认识我。。。

越来越多功课，past year,还有其他学校考卷。。。现在能做的只是猛塞自己多一点练习。。。做到晕。。做到吐。。

只剩一个月不到就要大考。。。。我能正常，完美，健康的踏入考场吗？？？

我一直输给压力。。。所以这次不能输给它。。。

压力就是没药医的病！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

给我一首歌的时间-周杰伦

喜欢这首歌。。。很有情调的歌。。。

给我一首歌的时间，让你不再误会我

日子还是要过.....

evendo nw i m stress n tired coz of the stpm..but the times still go on...i cant pause it..wat i can do jz menghargai every moment n every minutes i hv nw

jz cut my hair last sunday,actually everytime be4 i cut my hair,i will ever think dat to let it long since i m a girl...girl is good to be long hair...but becoz of hot weather n dun wan to urus my hair since i was busy everyday n imagine dat when i doin maths till crazy,n the hair jz bertaburan like dat..omg...

so lastly i choose to cut it..n the time the barber cut my side hair..wat i feel is "好凉哦”。。。evendo i look like boyish...or anything...btu this moment is ok!!!i jz feel comfortable wif my new hair....as long as nw it doesnt be a burden to me..

This afternoon practice speaking wif ting2..MUET test is around the corner...i think dat will dat be possible i got band 5?mid year exam i left 4 marks to band 5,n last trial,3 marks for band 5...then year end...hahaha...no idea..but jz try my best...especially speaking,i do knw dat my grammar not good,but i oways try my best to think more pts n trying to let examiner think dat i m confiden wif my pts...

But..this time quite..same gp wif andrew lee n stella grl,both of them have good command of english...haiz..will i be too nervous...or like today practice.."笑场”..

Tones of past year n semenanjung paper waiting for me...tey r calling me...



The End....

说好的幸福呢-周杰伦

Something.....

Reli tired...tired...tired n tired..n tired...n tired...feel pleased i still can spent some time to go boulevard n eat a lot today...a good way to release tension...usually i eat a lot to release tension becoz i will never get fat n got satisfied...
Get jay's songs frm wan ying few days ago n baru nw i got time to put them into my mp4 n listen to it for 1 hour...majority of his songs reli nice..n i believe his new album sure nice becoz he is jay chou...
No music no life...i oways think like dat...listening music oso a good way to release tension becoz of the "feel" of the songs...recently quite many new n nice songs like SHE,Lee Jiu Zhe n Jay chou n wang lee hom in these few months...Music will never ditch me away..n can cure my sadness n lonely...especially when u sing them out..i can sing n good in remember lyrics..jz i seldom sing in front of ppl...
everytime i go on9,automatically i will go Puan Jennie's blog n abby blog to see any updated article n oso the shout box at teacher's blog...ermmm...read abby's blog become a habit for me when on9..but sometime feel sad n symphathy her..coz ever a good fren...wat i knw jz read her blog n encourage her as i can...becoz i knw she need encouragement n she will more happy when she knw she is not alone....when encourage her,at the same time oso encourage myself...i love to care ppl,evendo i m busy,i will feel happy n fun when forward sms to my frens n a fren dat we less talk to each other...dun have other meaning...jz a normal act...becoz i knw dat when we r stress or bored,receive care frm fren is so much warm...i oso love dat feeling...still remember when the time i wan sit for my spm,my teacher told me"u oways not enuf confidence,believe dat u can do it"...jz the simple words make me inspired...
these day when doin revision,found dat actually studying is so much enjoy n fun...especially chemistry...u will never think dat by studying organic chemistry,actually many compounds dat appear in our daily life...by studying biologi,will nw our body system n living organism...math lagi geng...jz short sentence,but the answer can be whole page!!!!!n one things,i love puan yeoh,my math teacher,these few month she teach us,i can say dat she is reli a good n experienced teacher....many words dat come out frm her mouth i will remember well..."continuity correction n next wat???standardise!!!!dun 4got to put square root!!!!!omg....yesterday when i sit for the exam of maths at mr chin there,when doin math qtions...tese words reli fly over my mind coz she have been mentioned dat for many times....haha....one of the reason i wnt take illegal study leave jz becoz of i wan to attend her class!!!!hahahaha...anyway...i feel appreciated coz of other teachers oso like puan jennie,mr lee n puan wong n puan sng....so i shud work harder since i have good teachers...
Omg...talking too much...is the time to sleep....still remember a fren ever told me "dont u knw sleep late not good for health????..."

Dats All

40 days...

count down 40 days for stpm...still remember in the past,when me sit for upsr n pmr exam...seems like less stress n ntg to think...n quite innocent...jz nw to study n study...n dun wan make my teachers n parents dissapointed..dats why can end wif straight A result...but when comes to spm n stpm...duno why,oways gv too much stress on myself...push myself too hard...mayb spm n stpm is much more harder...but i think stpm trainned to me to be more mature...n knw some ways to learn effectively...n learn how to 放下at sometimes...we need learn how to 放下at sometimes...if not..will feel very suffer...but stpm cannot 放下。。。actually"my recovery time" have shortened...compared to few months ago,when i feel stress n depressed..hard to recover...n oways think negatively until think of wanna give up....but nw quite ok...i can "recover"soon...change the sadness...dissapointment to spirit...n never give up...